


the stars in your eyes disappeared (but i want so badly to see them again)

by ChxrryStxrk



Category: Minecraft - Fandom, Minecraft diaries - Fandom, aphmau - Fandom
Genre: A LOT of Angst, ANWYAYS dont read this because its BAD, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, I mean there's a lil bit of comfort, IT STARTED OUT AS A NORMAL LETS PLAY???, It delves into the aftermath, WOW i cant believe im falling back into this fandom after three years hfkgjdls, Well?, also aphmau voicing all of the characters by herself? we stan a queen, and kinda whats going on in aph's head when she found garroth after aaron died, forgive me minecraft gods for i have sinned, i recently rewatched like all of minecraft diaries and, i refuse to cuss in this because im imagining jess looking at me disapprovingly, iconic, me @ platonic garmau: hell yeah brother, you can take their relationship from my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 04:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17739116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChxrryStxrk/pseuds/ChxrryStxrk
Summary: It doesn't feel right. It feels, actually, like a big, horrible prank - one where Garrot would laugh and say "surprise!" and Aaron would pop up out of the bushes and oh, Irene help her, she'd be so unbelievably pissed but she'd be unequivocally relieved and so happy because Aaron would be alive and not dead, dead, dead, six feet in the ground, somewhere where she couldn't hold him, be with him, tell him she loved him, she loved him so, so much, please don't go--But Garroth doesn't say anything. He doesn't laugh, doesn't shout "surprise!", doesn't smile and grin. The only thing he says, in fact, is that one horrible sentence. Over and over and over and over again."I'm sorry."





	the stars in your eyes disappeared (but i want so badly to see them again)

**Author's Note:**

> HEY UH IF ANYONE FROM THE BLUJAY STUDIO READS THIS UHHH SORRY ITS SHORT AND BAD ITS??? MIDNIGHT AND SUNDAY AND IM RUNNING ON COFFEE AND A DEPLETED WILL TO LIVE--
> 
> but 
> 
>  
> 
> if u do decide to read this trainwreck
> 
> read the tags first
> 
> cuz it gets,,,angsty

"I'm sorry," Garroth chokes out, and she barely hears him over the sound of her own racing blood, her pounding heartbeat echoing in her own ears.

 

Her mind refuses to register it. She _can't_ register it, because if she does, that means its real, and no matter how powerful her body is, no matter how immense she was in her past life, she can't bring him back from this.

 

Because Aaron is dead.

 

Aaron. Is dead.

 

It doesn't feel right. It feels, actually, like a big, horrible prank - one where Garroth will laugh and say "surprise!" and Aaron will pop up out of the bushes and oh, Irene help her, she'd be so unbelievably _pissed_ but she'd be unequivocally relieved and happy because Aaron would be alive and not dead, dead, dead, six feet in the ground, _somewhere where she couldn't hold him, be with him, tell him she loved him, she loved him so, so much, please don't go--_

 

But Garroth doesn't say anything. He doesn't laugh, doesn't shout "surprise!", doesn't smile and grin. The only thing he says, in fact, is that one horrible sentence. Over and over and over and over again.

 

"I'm sorry."

  
  
And she knows it's not his fault. Knows that Aaron _chose_ this, knows that Garroth had absolutely no part of it - but, for the briefest of moments, she cannot help but hate, hate, hate this man who has always been there for her, always stood by her side, loved her from afar but never advanced because he was happiest when she was happy, even if it hurt, so much, to stand aside.

 

And she hates him, in that single, aching moment, but at the same time she also loves him, will _always_ love him, because he is her brother in everything but blood, and was there for her, even when she didn't remember, even when she couldn't do anything but tell silly jokes and try her best.

 

_I'm sorry._

 

So yes. She hates him in that brief moment. But then that moment bleeds away, and time starts moving once again, and she doesn't hate him anymore. But the hatred doesn't go away.

 

Instead, it grows and bubbles and sears in her veins because why, _why_ couldn't she have just realized sooner what he intended, why couldn't she have held him just a little bit tighter that last day, why, why, _why?_

 

_I'm sorry._

 

And eventually, when that hatred runs out of places to go and can't build internally anymore, she crumples to her knees and lets it out in a long, piercing, _heart-wrenching_ screech.

 

Because, in the end, that hatred is now directed at herself, because the ugly truth was that _she had not been enough._

 

_I'm sorry._

 

_I'm sorry._

 

_I'm sorry._

  
  
  


_I love you._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Please don't leave me._

  
  
  
  
  


But then she feels arms wrap around her, feels her body be squeezed tight in Garroth's grip. She whimpers, her arms reaching up, hands grappling for any sort of purchase as she clings to him as though he is her only lifeline to the real world. Perhaps he is. She doesn’t  know anymore. 

 

She cries, long through the night, till dawn breaks through the darkness and bathes that cursed crater in light. Garroth holds her the entire time, keeps her steady, keeps her _anchored,_ and she wonders, in her hazed and clouded mind, how she could have ever hated this man, even for a second, even for a moment.

 

So she cries. And when she dries her tears and pulls away from Garroth's hold, her eyes are burning.

 

Because, again, the hatred has moved on. Again, the hatred has left its previous host and leapt to the next.

 

But instead of squashing this hatred as she had done with Garroth, as she had done with herself, she _savors_ it. Nourishes it, encourages it, lets it fester inside of her.

 

She has never truly hated someone before, but now, more than anything, the man who had taken everything from her is on the receiving end of her burning rage.

 

However.

 

In the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind, she feels it. Feels the memories. That gentle touch that hid so much strength, the stoic expression that sometimes, sometimes, briefly softened into the tiniest of smirks. Never for anyone but her, though. Always her. Always gentle, just for her. Always, always, always for her.

 

_I'm sorry._

 

I know.

 

_Please don't go._

 

I have to.

 

_Don't leave me._

 

I don't want to.

 

...

  
  


_I love you, Aaron._

 

I love you, too, Aph.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Goodbye._

**Author's Note:**

> uhHHH SORRY??? IG??


End file.
